If the concept of warming up your lady friend with foreplay is new to you, then the concept of pre-foreplay will likely make your head explode! But if you are ready to accept that foreplay is an absolutely necessary part of providing a complete sexual experience to your partner, then you should be ready to acknowledge that pre-foreplay is equally necessary. Remember that men (being simple creatures) are often a few steps ahead of their partner (arousal steps that is) and that foreplay is a good way to help your partner “catch up” with you. But foreplay focuses mostly on the body, so pre-foreplay is necessary to stimulate your lady’s mind. After all, it’s her mind that is controlling her body (both at a conscious and unconscious level). So think of pre-foreplay as helping to set your partner’s mood in advance so that she is more ready to play later.
Rules for Pre-foreplay
Remember Rule-1 (slow down), that I introduced in the Foreplay Overview? I told you that was the “only rule” we needed right? Yeah well slowing down isn’t so relevant to pre-foreplay so I’m going to introduce you to a special rule just for pre-foreplay. Are you ready?
Don’t be a fucking caveman!
This rule is mostly about impulse control, or saying/acting/doing appropriate behaviour. For example you might think it’s a great idea to tell your partner that she looks smoking hot in her mini skirt and you can’t wait to bury your face into that ass. You might even be correct that she would respond well to that particular vulgar comment. On the other hand, she might think you are a fucking caveman, and you just ruined your chance for playtime with her (now and forever). So impulse control is about pausing for a moment to consider whether your words or actions are going to be appropriate before you do it and then maybe decide not to. If that still isn’t clear then keep reading because I provide plenty of examples below.
Start with the “Mundane”
Are you a married man or in a long term relationship? As boring as it sounds you can really impress your partner by just pitching in and helping out around the house (I’m not joking here).
Little things like doing that job she has been pestering you do do for a while (hopefully not months) will lift her spirits. Better still you can surprise her by doing some of her housework for her or maybe cooking a meal (for a change).
What does this have to do with foreplay? Well it mostly has to do with putting your partner in a more positive mood. Women like to feel respected and appreciated and helping out around the house and helping to lighten her load a little makes her feel like you care about her, which in turn lifts her spirits and puts her in a more receptive mood (maybe for a little romance).
Stimulating Memories
If you and your partner have a history and that history includes some earth shattering sexual encounters then you have some great shared memories. So a great way to help stimulate her brain to be interested in sex is to subtly stimulate her memories of past sexual encounters. This can include specific ways you have touched her, or specific things you have said during sex. (One of my favourites are the words “Oh my god you are making me crazy”). Bonus points for reminding your partner of something funny that happened during an epic sexual encounter because everybody loves a good laugh. Remember this point as you read my other advice below.
Making Settings More Romantic
Often you are out and about with your partner for some time before you get her alone for play time. This could be a dinner date, or just walking around, or even shopping. Maybe play time is in the plans, or maybe it is a matter of opportunity. Regardless of what the actual scenario is, these are all appropriate times to help set her mood for later.
If I am planning fun times for later then I am likely thinking about it when I am with her during the day (let’s say shopping in this example). So my imagination might begin running away with what we might do later, including some very explicit thoughts. This is where discipline is important because I may begin to feel like grabbing my partner or groping her thinking this will be suggestive for whats on my mind for later. But that is caveman behaviour and is likely to have the opposite affect!
For me sex is about shared energy, so I channel those horny thoughts into warm emotions which get subconsciously reflected in my body language. I tend to smile more and make more eye contact which my partner subconsciously picks up on. I tend to hold her hand more often and may squeeze and caress her hand affectionately.
I might also comment on her appearance or dress and tell her how nice she looks, and smells, and try to say something specific about her choice of colours, shoes, or fragrance. This helps convince her that I am serious about my compliment and not just saying an empty phrase to make her feel good.
I may also be “more of a gentleman” when we are walking around. I do this by opening doors for her, carrying her shopping bags, and basically being more attentive to her comforts.
Note that “modern liberated” women say they don’t need to be treated like a lady, but I rarely meet women who have complained over being spoiled a little.
For bonus points I have some physical contact tricks I use a lot when we are taking escalators which are actually variations on safety techniques that I use when escorting senior citizens (yes really). On the up escalator I let my partner go ahead of me and I stand on the step behind her (so if she loses her balance she falls on me and I save her… get it?)
Then I place my hand on her back to support her, and while we are waiting on the escalator I rub my hand up and down her back affectionately.
If we are taking escalators frequently then I may gradually let my hand rubs become more soothing/massaging, or I may grasp her by the hip instead of her back.
I am still being careful not to be a caveman (by grabbing/groping her), but you should be aware that there are only subtle differences between soothing/relaxing touches, and more sensual/stimulating touches. So a simple hand on the hip can be made more stimulating with just a slight squeeze, or absent minded stroke of the thumb.
Note: Learning massage is a great way to develop your touching skills, and help you to master a whole range of soothing, comforting, relaxing, and stimulating touching techniques. It’s likely that you used these techniques on your partner in the past so simple but subtle changes in how you run your fingers over her now should stimulate your her memory as well (even if only on a subconscious level)
For bonus points if my partner is beginning to respond to my touches and is getting a bit playful herself then I have a naughty trick for the down escalator. This time I stand on the step in front of her (so if she loses her balance she falls on me and I save her… get it?) Then I gently lean back against her until her breasts are touching the back of my shoulders. If she is getting naughty too then she will rub her breasts against me, and I will act shocked, or play along by shivering slightly and making an oooooh sound.
Sexy Text Messages
If you are not actually with your partner but will be seeing her later, you can stimulate her mind by sending suggestive text messages to get into her head a bit and get her thinking about your meeting.
I like to consider myself a “polite” man so I don’t use vulgarities much unless I know my partner uses that sort of language a lot too. So what sort of message should you send?
Appropriate Messages
I can’t focus on work today… all I keep thinking about is seeing you tonight!
I am thinking of you. I cannot wait to get you alone and see the candlelight flickering over your bare skin.
OMG I can’t wait to see you… I am aching to hold you and touch you.
Or if you want to take it up a notch…
I am going to stroke you as softly and slowly as I can so I can feel the passion slowly build in you. I am going to use my lips to slowly explore your entire body and make you tingle and shiver, and sigh and moan in delight.
Or if you want to get her hot and bothered before you even meet her…
I will tease you so excruciatingly slowly that you will practically beg me to release you to your rapture. Eventually, when I think I have finally teased and tormented you enough… I will lead you into the thundering orgasmic surf and you can finally release your screams. You owe me a scream!
Note: Some of these messages might sound a bit corny, but they are examples from actual messages I have sent to ladies… who nearly ravaged me as soon as I came in the door. So these words do work when used appropriately! An important note is that I only send these sort of messages to ladies who I have already been with so I am stimulating fond memories in them. I would never send a message like that to a lady I was meeting for the first time because it would sound over-the-top, cliche, or even creepy!
Less Appropriate Messages:
Hey remember that time we did that thing in that place? Yeah well I want to do it again… It’s on baby!
I’m going to grab you and spank that ass baby. Who’s your daddy?
Completely Inappropriate (Caveman) Messages:
Hey baby, I’m going to fuck you fast and hard with my big dick
Hey baby I want you to sit on my face!
Hey baby do you want some of this?
Most Inappropriate Messages (Dick Pics):
I have been seeing this form of “social media messaging” discussed a lot lately and I have a very simple rule of thumb for when it is appropriate to send a dick pick.
NEVER!
Seriously, if you actually needed to be told this then you are a fucking caveman, or a degenerate, or a degenerate fucking caveman… and there is probably no hope for you.
Ok, I’ll give you a break (maybe there is hope for you). Maybe you are impressionable and you’ve been hanging out with other cavemen or are misinformed about what women want. So now is the time to heed my valuable advice. No dick pics… ever! But don’t just take my word for it. You can search through nearly any bulletin board where you can find women talking about men and guess what you will read about their opinions on dick pics?
I literally have never read a post by a woman who said she enjoyed looking at pictures of dicks. I even read of one woman who collected all the dick pics she was receiving and turned them into a massive dick pic collage that she started sending back to the cavemen who were sending her dick pics! Imagine your friends finding that pic on your social media feed!
Getting Ready to Meet Your Lady Friend:
Your partner will notice any extra efforts you make to get ready to see her, and will appreciate you for the effort. So if you’ve got a reputation for always wearing casual “bumming around” fashions then at least put on a clean T-shirt.
Better yet try wearing something new and slightly stylish… bonus points for wearing something that compliments what your partner is wearing so you look like couple and not like a hot woman who picked up a stray mongrel, or is doing charity work for the homeless.
(Don’t worry, you can go back to dressing like a bum when you are with your mates tomorrow).
Oh and while we’re on the topic of dressing up, maybe you can clean up a bit as well! Cleaning up will show your partner that she is important to you even more than dressing up!
So spend an extra few seconds in the shower and lather up a second time… you might even invest in washing “down there” a third time if you are not sure (I know I often do).
Part of your hygiene ritual should include some attention to your hands. What I mean by that is making sure you clean thoroughly under your fingernails.
This isn’t just to make them look nicer, but more importantly to get rid of any nasty bacteria that might be lurking under there. Try to imagine where those fingers might be later, and you might consider giving them some extra cleaning.
For bonus points trim your fingernails so there are no sharp edges that could scratch or nick your partner’s sensitive skin. I use my hands and fingers extensively during my playtimes so I go the extra step of using an emery board on my fingernails, cuticles, and even on my fingers and hands (to remove callouses).
Also for the love of all things holy, please shave! I know you see a lot of photos that portray guys looking edgy and sexy with their 2 day face growth, but these photos are for visual stimulation, not physical.
Try to imagine what your face will feel like to your partner when you are rubbing it all over her body.
Better yet try to imagine that 100 grit sandpaper feeling on inner her thighs when she has you in a headlock! Yeah, I see you reaching for that razor now… good boy!
(lady’s feel free to correct me on this if you do actually like sandpaper faces)
Shaving is personally important to me because I inherited a heavy/coarse beard from my father (thanks Dad). I remember as a kid I never wanted to give Dad a hug because he felt scratchy even right after he shaved. I have the same problem, but I learned a couple of tricks for getting a very smooth shave that lasts me at least 3 hours. For this reason I try to time my shower/shave ritual for about 30 minutes before meeting my partner (yes I am that pedantic about getting ready for a meeting with my partner).
Oh, and while we are on the topic of grooming, you might want to consider adopting some of the latest fads in “manscaping”. I’ve always had a massively thick bush “down there” so I’ve been trimming since I was 19. (ok, I’ll admit I read that trimming makes your penis look bigger but there are some hygienic benefits as well).
Many modern ladies appreciate a bit of trimming down there because they don’t like getting your hairs in their mouth when giving oral (yes you might like to get some oral too). But even more importantly having all that hair in a warm and potentially moist environment promotes bacteria growth which can lead to unpleasant odours. This is also true of your armpits. If you find yourself struggling with underarm odor then trimming could help.
Did we forget anything? Any chance you will be kissing tonight? You’d better hope so!
So let’s be sure to brush, and floss, and gargle with some good mouthwash!
I’m personally a bit paranoid about having bad breath, so I gargle thoroughly twice, and then continue rinsing my mouth with water afterwards to keep it fresh. I even carry a small bottle of mouthwash in my briefcase “just in case”.
Lastly let’s be sure we smell good before meeting up with our lady friend, and I don’t mean by soaking yourself in cheap “manly” smelling aftershave!
My rule of thumb is that perfumes, colognes, aftershaves, and even deodorants should be subtle and not overpowering.
I choose my scents very carefully and also seek out the advice of ladies on which scents they like (and even better which scents turn them on).
I also hope that women follow this philosophy as well because it can be very difficult for me to get intimate with a woman when her perfume is making my nose itch or my throat burn.
Shameless Product Endorsement:
Ok, since I mentioned my lady’s scent above I thought I should mention that my absolutely favourite perfume is Un bois vanille by Serge Lutens.
Obviously it has a sweet vanilla scent but there are some other exotic hints and base notes which I find appealing. It also is not too strong and overpowering so you have to get close (and even nuzzle) your lady to pick it up.
I try to gift this perfume to all my ladies, and I have found that most ladies like it as much as I do. (True story: I once gifted this to a woman that used up the entire bottle in only 1 week. So teasing her about drinking it was a good way to invoke some fond memories).
Since we are on the topic of memories, I find that scents are one of the strongest subliminal triggers of memories. So possibly using this scent in the bedroom makes my bedroom times more stimulating. Then smelling this scent on a woman outside the bedroom reminds me of some great bedroom times and stimulates me. You could almost say that the right perfume can cause a stimulation circle/cycle because it makes your indoor games more stimulating, and reminds you of your indoor games.
Ok, so before I talk myself into a spiral over perfumes, let me get to the final point. If my partner wears this scent when we are in public and I nuzzle into her and say “OMG I can smell your perfume”, followed by a slight moan, then it will stimulate strong memories in both of us.
Finished
So that gets us to the end of Foreplay Level-0 (mind games). If I got this right then we are both ready for physical contact so let’s get to Foreplay Level-1.
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If you think any of my information is incorrect, or can be improved please do contact me. My sensual journey is far from over and I am always looking to learn new things, or improve/correct things I thought I knew.