Your Appearance:
Do you worry that the ladies won’t find you attractive?
I hate to sound like your mother here, but women who focus too much on looks might be superficial and not the type of lady you are interested in.
True Story: I was channel surfing one night and found myself watching a few minutes of Geordie Shore (so sue me). The Geordie gang was getting ready for a night of clubbing, so the ladies were busy putting on their makeup and chattering on about what sort of man they were hoping to run into in the club. One of the girls made the comment, “OMG I could never kiss a man who did not have a 6 pack”. Then they cut to the Geordie guys getting ready and they all had their shirts off and were hastily crunching dumbbells to get their muscles pumped and ripply for the big night out. I remember staring at the screen in horror for a moment letting that scene soak in. So “an incredibly hot woman” could not envision herself being with a guy who did not look like an Adonis. I could imagine guys watching this show and rushing to the gym to get ripped enough to gain the attention of one of these “goddesses”, and date them, only to be dropped at the first opportunity because his hair didn’t match her handbag (or some other equally crucial reason for finding him unworthy).
I have been on many bulletin boards where women were speaking quite frankly about what they looked for, or what turned them on in a man, and surprisingly looks were often mentioned last. You may be surprised to know that “real women” actually find good manners, and basic hygiene a higher priority in their mate than physical attractiveness (yes you read that right).
So that’s good news guys! Wash your face, and put on a clean shirt and your attractiveness to women increases immediately. Better yet, if you combine basic cleanliness with some good manners by not acting like a caveman around women then you “look” even better.
The final challenge(s) to overcome are finding things to say and do which women will find interesting, and having enough confidence in yourself that your potential love interest will be confident in you. I find these two go together because if you are confident then you will be more inclined to find interesting things to say/do around a woman, and you will feel more confident doing them. You can try to “act” confident if you think you can pull it off, but just be careful not to act over-confident because that looks a lot like arrogance which turns off most women.
Penis Size:
I hate to make reference to the cliché quote “It’s not the size that matters, it’s how you use it”, but I am actually living proof of that adage.
I am barely 5 inches in length but I have figured out ways of using my appendage that can still make ladies scream (in pleasure hopefully). If intercourse for you consists of thrusting in and out then you probably find that her vagina feels “like a wet slippery sleeve”. If that’s the case then you are definitely not using your penis to its full potential and your technique is even more important.
Try entering slowly and carefully feeling the textures and shapes of her vagina and the different sensations they provide to both you and her. Many women are very sensitive at the opening of their vagina so try inserting just the head of your penis and very slowly moving the tip in and out. Your partner may find this very stimulating and she may begin to move against you in rhythm to your movement (warning this might also be stimulating enough for you to cause a pre-mature ejaculation). So now you can begin to make your slow thrusts slightly deeper.
As you begin to enter deeper you should feel a somewhat harder, smoother surface pushing down on the top of your penis. This is the underside of your partner’s pubic bone and is also where her G-spot begins. You may want to stop at this point and savour the sensation of her pubic bone pushing down on your penis. You can also try shifting your body up or down just a little (maybe 1 or 2 cm) to see how it affects the pressure between your penis and her pubic bone/G-spot. If you shift lower the head of your penis will tend to push harder on her pubic bone, and if you shift higher the pressure will reduce and you will also find it easier to slide in deeper, and if you shift even higher the shaft of your penis will begin to put pressure on your partner’s clitoris.
I like to refer to these small shifts as the 1cm rule because a small shift can make a big difference in the sensations your partner is feeling.
If you didn’t quite hit her G-spot yet then it’s probably just a bit deeper (maybe another cm) because some women feel more on the back side of their pubic bone than on the front side. You can continue trying to shift your body slightly upwards and downwards to see how the pressure changes as you change your angle.
Note: Pressing on the area just behind the pubic bone causes some women to feel like they need to pee, while other women feel pleasure mixed with wanting to pee. You may need to experiment with this area over multiple sessions to determine the appropriate levels of pressure for your partner.
Penis Shape:
This was something I struggled with when I was younger. My penis curves upwards and I never really saw many men who looked like me in porn movies. (Yes I know porn actors are not representative of the general population, but that was then) For some reason I also recall hearing more than one woman comment that they did not like curved penises (which further made me doubt myself physically) But it turns out that I am uniquely shaped to provide specific pleasures to women that are not as easy with “normal” straight penises.
I have found that an upward curving penis matches the curve of a woman’s vagina, and is also uniquely shaped for probing a woman’s fornix.
Premature Ejaculation:
It may surprise you to know that most (65%) of men report having issues with orgasming too quickly. Why so many?
Because most men define premature ejaculation as orgasming before they actually “wanted to” or not being able to hold off when an orgasm is approaching. But just to be clear the clinical definition of premature ejaculation is when you orgasm almost immediately after penetration (or even before penetration).
So while many people joke or tease about being a “2 minute man” it is actually very common for men to last much less than 5 minutes (which obviously leaves a lot of women… uh… wanting). Don’t believe me? Ask the average woman.
So what are some “tricks” that can make you last longer?
Condoms:
Yes that’s right. In addition to providing protection from STIs condoms have been known to lessen the sensation which can prolong your orgasm (something which many men actually complain about).
Thicker condoms will reduce the sensation even further, and for bonus points you can find condoms which actually offer “features” which might help you last longer. (Note: These features are usually numbing creams… you have been warned)
Another consideration is the positions you are using when having sex. You may find that certain positions cause more stimulation to the more sensitive parts of your penis which leads you to have faster orgasms. This can vary for different men so you may need to experiment to see which positions work better for you.
For example I find that I orgasm faster when in missionary than I do in most other positions. I also find that I can last almost indefinitely when in cowgirl but if the woman is riding me with full penetration grinding movements (stimulating her A-spot) rather than up and down movements.
Second Time Strategy:
Many men find that they orgasm very quickly the first time but are able to “screw like porn stars” and last almost indefinitely for their second orgasm. So some men use the strategy of not trying to prolong their first orgasm (basically treating it as a “throwaway” orgasm) because they know they will last much longer on the next orgasm.
Younger men may also find that their refractory period (recovery time between orgasms) is very short, and they may also not lose their erection after their first orgasm (I used to be like this). For these men the throwaway orgasm strategy can be effective because there is no interruption (other than maybe a quick cleanup) in their activities if their first orgasm is fast.
Another variation on this could be for the man to excuse himself briefly during foreplay to “go to the toilet” but actually masturbates to get his first orgasm out of the way. This is a good strategy for men who feel embarrassed by orgasming too quickly in front of their partner.
Self Practice:
Obviously I’m talking about masturbation. The more you practice at making yourself orgasm, the better you will be able to prolong the time it takes you to orgasm. Also with practice you can gradually become accustomed to higher levels of stimulation without orgasming. Some men actually develop an issue called “death grip” whereby they overstimulate their penis so much during masturbation that they are unable to orgasm during intercourse because the sensation is less stimulating to them.
In addition to learning how to prolong your orgasm, you can also practice having more control over your orgasm through a technique called “edging”. This is where you bring yourself as close to orgasming as possible, but then try to stop just before you actually orgasm. Edging is normally used to make your orgasm more intense once you do release it, but it can also be a useful method to help you control your sensitivity to the triggering of your orgasm.
There are also some muscle exercises you can perform which are supposed to help give you stronger erections and can help you resist premature orgasms. They are called Kegel Exercises, and they consist of flexing the muscles in your pelvic floor.
Note: I personally have not tried Kegels as an exercise, but sometimes flex these muscles when my penis is deep inside a woman because it makes my whole penis expand and “twitch” inside which some women find pleasurable.
But in spite of all these practice techniques you may find that you are still struggling with premature ejaculation when having sex with a partner. This may be because your partner’s vagina (or her mouth) feels so much different than your hand that the sensation is just too intense for you. If only there was some tool available which could simulate the same feeling as a woman’s vagina when you are masturbating.
Self Practice Tools:
Fortunately modern technology has produced some “sex toys” which can simulate the warm, wet, slippery feeling of a woman’s vagina (or mouth) on your lucky penis. These masturbation toys come in a wide range of models and brands, but most people refer to them as “flesh lights” (because they are tube shaped like a flashlight, but feel like flesh inside).
Product Endorsement: The Japanese who are known to have a culture which is more tolerant and open about masturbation have combined their inventiveness and pursuit of technology into many advanced sex toys. One of their most recognized brands is Tenga. Their product line ranges from simple single use toys such as the Tenga Egg, or the Tenga Cup, to multiple use toys such as the Tenga Flip (which flips open for easy cleaning).
Some men recommend the most effective practice includes combining a flesh light with watching pornography because it maximizes both visual and physical stimulation. If you are able to improve your ability to control your orgasm through this practice then you should be more successful at controlling your orgasm with a partner.
Ask a Scientist!
Just in case you think I’m simply trying to make you feel better about your “dysfunction” you’ll be happy to know that some scientists have been hard at work tirelessly studying ejaculation time.
Studies have been conducted on thousands of volunteers (no not me), to measure the typical time required for men to have an orgasm.
The results showed that the vast majority of men have an orgasm within (only) 5 minutes or less. Of the remaining men, most finish within 10 minutes, with only a handful (less than 20%) lasting beyond 10 minutes.
Most men who truly suffer from premature ejaculation will finish in 0-30 seconds with the remainder finishing in under 1 minute. So if you think you are suffering from premature ejaculation you may want to reconsider whether your “issue” is finishing before you wanted to, or finishing “as soon as you start”.
I provided some clever looking scientific charts below so you can see the typical times (for most of us), compared to the typical times of men actually suffering from premature ejaculation.
If you think any of my information is incorrect, or can be improved please do contact me. My sensual journey is far from over and I am always looking to learn new things, or improve/correct things I thought I knew.