This is definitely not me!
Unfortunately I am not a studly, handsome man with a magnetic personality who easily attracts women. I am actually quite average looking and now that I am older (50’s) I have a Dad Bod too. But I like to think that’s probably a good thing because it meant I’ve had to learn other ways to impress the ladies instead of wooing them with my dashing looks and charm. So if an “ugly mug” like me can learn how to please women enough that they come back looking for more, it should be possible for you to learn how as well.
Over the years I have learned more than a few ways to make a woman smile. But I’m also a modest man, so I’ve never been very comfortable going around bragging to the world that I know how to make a woman scream in pleasure. Even so, there have been a few “satisfied women” over the years who have pumped up my ego by telling me how good I was and remarking that I should find ways to share my knowledge. So after much consideration I finally decided to start this website.
Although the contents of this site are mostly based on my own experiences, I have also done extensive research over the years to gain that experience. I have done my best to provide factual research (with links) in this site in addition to my (humble) opinions, so I hope that you find this site useful for improving your love life (and obviously that of your partner).
Ladies please take note: It is my hope that women find this site equally as informative as men. Much of my research was gained from reading reports and discussions by women about female sexuality, desire, arousal, sexual and relationship challenges. Some women have mentioned that they are/were unaware of their own bodies to some extent and how to have more fulfilling sex.
In fact many of the techniques explained in this site will not work unless the lady is actively participating, and also understands her own body well, (and in some cases is actively managing her pleasuring while the man provides “the tools”). Please explore this site as you explore your own body and encourage the men in your life to explore you too.
More About Me (a lot more)
Ok so I initially thought I should not include any personal details about myself because they are private and would not be relevant. But after some reflection (and encouragement) I realized that my personal life experiences had a huge bearing on what makes me a sensual man and how that might be relevant because I am really not so different from many of you.
Some Background
I come from a large family of seven siblings where I am the only boy surrounded by 6 (yes six) sisters (I am 3rd oldest). My parents divorced when I was quite young so I essentially was raised entirely surrounded by women. My mother was liberated and taught us that there was no reason a man could not do the same work in a household as women, and vice versa (I agree BTW). So I could cook, and clean, and knit, and crochet and all kinds of other cool stuff, but I never learned to do makeup, or style hair (although I did give a girl a perm once).
I think in many ways I both understand women and appreciate their issues more than the majority of men out there because of my background. As a teenager surrounded by women I heard things that I cannot un-hear or forget (ever). While I don’t recall ever talking to any of my sisters directly about sex, I can certainly remember overhearing many, many, many of their detailed conversations to each other.
I learned more than I care to about cramping and bloating from periods, and womens’ reproductive health issues from tubal fibroids to endometriosis. To this day I probably know more about how to balance the PH in a vagina to prevent yeast infections than many women.
While I sometimes get scolded for trying to “mansplain” on bulletin boards it is actually quite common for women to be surprised and appreciative of some of the feedback and advice I have been able to offer. So I hope this particular aspect of my life history helps to put some of my other experiences and advice in this website into context.
My Early Years
Although I am quite average looking now I was actually a very cute kid. I know this because a lot of older teenage girls and young adult women used to crush on me and tell me how cute I was when I was only 10 years old. But I was also (and still am) quite a shy person so I wouldn’t talk much when meeting new people and thus it was hard to get to know me. However like most shy people once I was comfortable then I would open up more.
Once I hit puberty I discovered school dances (we didn’t call them proms) and getting close to girls. I was popular with some of the girls in my school and quickly discovered kissing, and dating, and puppy love (but it felt real at the time). It was common at that time for me to simply meet a girl and we just knew we liked each other from the way we looked at each other. I guess you could call that “the spark of mutual attraction” .
I also discovered heavy petting, and sexual urges and managed to lose my virginity when I was only 14 (please don’t tell my mom). Luckily that was a one-off activity and I did not become more sexually active or I likely would have been involved in an unfortunate and embarrassing “accident”.
The “Difficult” Teenage Years
My life changed drastically for me when I was 15. We moved (again) which meant I had to go to a new school and make new friends all over again. But this time I was entering high school and it just seemed like a different planet. I wasn’t just surrounded by new faces, but also much older faces because I was a junior. High school seemed to be full of cliques and gangs, and everybody seemed to want to keep to their own group(s) to the exclusion of others.
I just couldn’t seem to fit in and even worse I became the target of some nasty bullying. I felt like an outsider all through high school and it made me even more shy and withdrawn than normal and even affected my appearance. To this day I have trouble viewing the (few) photos of me that exist from that era because I look visibly “awkward”. These issues also had an impact on my dating life because I became especially shy around girls. What was particularly frustrating at that stage of my life was that I never seemed to feel “the spark of mutual attraction” with girls the way I used to before high school.
So you could summarize my high school social life as a spiral of shyness, rejection, self doubt, and self pity. Oh did I mention that I was almost completely sexless throughout high school? There were some brief sexual encounters but they were fumbling awkward moments and included embarrassing premature ejaculation incidents as well (I’ll bet many of you men can relate).
Early Adult Life
College life was a lot of fun, but I also continued my frustrating lack of contact with the opposite sex. I studied technical/engineering subjects in college which at that time (early 80’s) was still dominated by 99% male attendance (unlike today when sometimes more than 50% of engineering students are female). My problem was conpounded by the fact that my peer group was mostly made up of single guys who were also struggling to meet the opposite sex.
Throughout this time I still consistently failed to encounter “the spark of mutual attraction” that I had experienced with girls when I was just a kid. I often wondered if I had just imagined the spark and that it was really some silly childhood thing and not real at all. I often wondered if adult couples were brought together by some mysterious or abstract concept that I was missing. But then I had a “Mrs Robinson” encounter with an older woman.
A family friend of one of my college mates was a MILF (10 years older than me) who was attending my college but was majoring in Psychology. She used to flirt with us younger guys, and joke about having a thing for “young boys” (I was 22 at the time so not really a boy anymore). Something about her “awakened” a whole lot of things which had been dormant in me for years. I somehow knew that she would be interested in me, and that all I had to do was chat her up properly to open the door to “no-strings attached sex”.
It took more than 2 months time, but I was patient. I chatted and flirted with her a few times and was surprised at how relaxed and unreserved I was (not shy at all for a change). It was obvious that she was attracted to me physically/sexually and I gradually took opportunities to explore that attraction with her. This was where I first began to learn that massage was a great way to break the ice with ladies. It was a bit like what John Travolta’s character says about foot massages in the movie Pulp Fiction. You pretend it’s just a massage but you both know it’s more than that.
But I also should have known that when you play with fire you get burned. This “psychologist woman” was a bit of a head case and probably could have used some psychiatric help herself (it’s funny how many mental health professionals actually need mental health treatment). This woman played both physical and emotional games with me. She “allowed” herself to get aroused from my “platonic massages” to the point where we were both making out like teenagers, but then she kept stopping “because we shouldn’t”.
I ended up with blue balls several times from being over-stimulated with no release (yes that is a real affliction men feel and is quite painful). We did eventually have sex (intercourse) one time, and the upside was that I learned more about the mechanics of sex. Luckily she lead most of the playtime so my awkward fumbling around was not as embarrassing. I even managed to last longer than I expected, although I did still have premature ejaculation.
But she did mess up my head a bit so the biggest lesson from that experience was to be more direct with women regarding my intentions (don’t lead them on just for sex), so in hindsight it’s probably good that I got burned.
“Regular” Adult Life
Once I got out of college and into the working world, my social life took another turn (for the worse). I started working in a Technical/Engineering/Office environment that was both challenging/rewarding, and strange at the same time (very much like the Dilbert cartoons). The economy was bad when I started my career (like when is it not bad) so companies were struggling to do more work with fewer human resources. My work teams constantly found ourselves under pressure with looming deadlines, or technical catastrophes to sort out, so our work/life balances suffered (I’ll bet this sounds familiar). Long hours and late nights were the norm and sometimes months would slip by where we rarely saw the world outside office or our work groups.
While it was not uncommon to come into contact with single women in my work environment I had never considered it advisable to date co-workers (and I still don’t). But that didn’t stop me from actually trying (at least a little). Considering the obvious risks of dating co-workers I thought it would be prudent to proceed with showing my interests very cautiously. So I would start out by being as friendly and polite as possible with a woman I was interested in so she could see that I was a “nice guy” and see where our companionship lead.
But this route only lead to a new place called “the friend zone” (sorry for the overused cliché term). I quickly learned that many women had a girl code whereby they did not complicate their lives by mixing friendship with romance, so once you were considered “friends only” there was no chance of romantic involvement. But like most men that didn’t sink in with me so I continued being both friendly and chivalrous with my love interests.
I always hoped that one day they would see that I was a quiet sensitive type but, if they were prepared to take a chance, they might just get to know the inner me (witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal, a little bit crazy, a little bit bad). But hey don’t girls just love that? Note: In case you were wondering that was a quote from the movie Trainspotting, but I always thought that quote succinctly expressed what so many frustrated friend-zoned men were trying to get across to women.
So my adult life became a repeat of the spiral of my high school life shyness, rejection, self doubt, and self pity. The only difference was that I was often doing my limited best to meet women.
This was also a very low period in my life which lasted for several years (until I was nearly 30). Imagine me being in the physical prime of my life and not having a partner to share my life experiences with (especially sex!!!). I became so frustrated through this period that there were times I actually hated women.
I’m going to go on a bit of a rant here but I think it will be informative reading for many women, and a lot of men will probably relate as well. Besides, this is my website so I can rant if I want to.
There were a few times between working my ass off in my white collar slave job that I had time to go out and socialize with some of my friends. Going to nightclubs could be a particularly frustrating exercise because our group was frequently made up of couples and I was often the odd man out. Bars were (and still are) considered great places to meet the opposite sex, so I tried to turn these outings into opportunities.
I was usually in shy/awkward mode so you can imagine that my efforts did not get me far. But I can also remember a couple of times where I had a few drinks and loosened up and figured I had nothing to lose (which improved my confidence). I remembered back to my childhood dances where I would literally just roam the crowds asking random girls to dance and not being the least bothered if they said no. So I tried this, and every woman said no. I’m not kidding… I literally did not get a single dance partner in spite of asking nearly every woman in the club!
So I tried not to take it personally and simply tried to reflect on why I was striking out so I could figure out how to improve my game. Was there something wrong with my approach, or was there something wrong with the ladies in this club? It didn’t help the situation that some of the couples in my party noticed me struggling and started offering me helpful advice. The unsolicited attention and comments from my “friends” in our party were both embarrassing and frustrating to me and made me feel even more like an abject loser.
So like many men I often spent my evenings in the nightclubs just people watching. I figured I could learn a lot by watching people interacting in the nightclubs and that knowledge would help me figure out how to improve my game. One important (and cliché) observation was that for some reason women seemed to be more attracted to the alpha male, jock, showboat, braggart, crass, arrogant, conceited men (no love lost from me obviously).
These were the kind of guys who would hit on the women with the clear intent of telling them whatever they wanted to hear in order to get into their pants and then never call them again. I remember being curious about why a woman would be attracted to an obvious dickhead like that when there were plenty of witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal, (no I won’t repeat the whole quote) men wanting to meet them.
To make matters worse I constantly heard women complaining that so many men they met and dated were alpha male, jock, showboat, braggart, crass, arrogant, conceited, dickheads. That is a mystery I haven’t solved to this day.
Another observation I made when people watching was that some women appeared to go to nightclubs in “girl-gangs” where part of their evening ritual was to boost their egos by simultaneously flirting with and rejecting as many guys as possible. Some of the rejections I witnessed were also quite harsh and sometimes involved ridiculing accompanied by the loud squeals of laughter from the rest of the girls. (Note: In case you were wondering this never happened to me because I had enough sense to never approach a “girl-pack”)
Another variation of the “ego boost” that I encountered first hand was from “quiet” women who mostly kept to themselves in the club instead of hanging out with the loud and obnoxious girl-packs. These quiet women would stand alone or in small groups chatting and scanning the bar like they were also people watching.
They would exchange shy glances with me (and I assume other guys) but over time they would continue to make lingering eye contact so eventually I would come to the conclusion that they were showing some interest in me. I might try to confirm the (mutual) interest by smiling at them and if they smiled back then I might go over to say hello… only to be brushed off… often with a “what the fuck are you doing talking to me look”. Wow. So in general the trips to the nightclubs were not conducive to meeting women or to improving my outlook on life.
Ok, here is a quick but related story before I move on to a better part of my life’s history.
One night a few of my friends and I decided to pop into a bar. I was feeling particularly relaxed that night since it was a spontaneous decision to go the bar, so I was not under any pressure to try to meet anyone. A few of our group decided to start dancing and since I wasn’t feeling any nervousness I decided to roam the bar and ask some ladies to dance… with the usual results.
Not feeling particularly rejected I went back to our table just as my sister arrived and joined us (she just happens to be hot looking). After a while a few of our group went back to the dance floor so I thought “what the heck” and asked my sister to dance (slow song).
As we were dancing I noticed that some of the women in the bar were taking notice of me (in an interested way). I’m no psychologist, but it almost seemed like they deemed me more worthy because they saw me with another woman and that confirmed to them that I was capable of attracting a mate? Hmmmm.
When the song ended my sister went to the bathroom, and I decided to try my luck by asking a woman who had been staring at me while I danced with my sister. She said yes rather enthusiastically and we went out onto the dance floor. But just as I was embracing her to start dancing she smiled at me mischievously and asked “do you think your girlfriend will mind?”
I gave her a puzzled look then realized what she was asking me. I flashed her a smile and said, “Oh, I don’t think she will mind… that’s my sister”. Her mischievous smile faded to be replaced by a look of disappointment. So I think I discovered yet another type of nightclub misfit who I now refer to as “the other woman”.
I’m guessing they get their jollies from flirting with “attached” men and maybe stirring up a bit of drama with their girlfriend. I imagine they come in a whole spectrum ranging from simple attention seekers, to full-on predatory man stealers.
Ok, so now that I’ve gotten my rant out of my system, I’ll end my difficult adult years here by stating that if I live to be 100 I’ll probably never really understand how many women actually behave during mating rituals.
Oh, and some last minute “pickup” advice for guys. If you are striking out in the nightclubs then try dancing with your sister (or maybe you can borrow one of your buddy’s girlfriends for a dance). It seems to increase your worth to the female spectators in the club!
“Mature” Adult Life
After nearly 10 years of a soulless, lifeless, and nearly ladyless existence a strange thing happened… I got a girlfriend!!! I’m not even sure how it happened, but I managed to cross paths professionally with a lovely older (only 1 year) professional woman who was funny, witty, pretty, and smart (yes smart women turn me on). She reminded me a bit of sex nerd Sandra even though I had never heard of her at that time.
Surprisingly I was initially only interested in her from a professional standpoint and hadn’t really considered her as dating material (I just enjoyed being around her). But maybe that was the secret. Since I didn’t spend my time wondering how to start a relationship with her I acted less uptight, and more natural around her and that was enough to create the spark of attraction.
It was actually one of my work colleagues who joked about her mentioning having a crush on me. I thought for sure my colleague was joking because I hadn’t seen any indication from her that she liked me beyond a professional relationship. But then I heard it from another person and the woman herself accidentally made a joke about it as well. Yeah I know this all sounds like junior high school but sometimes adults act that way too.
So it didn’t take long for us start openly expressing our interest in each other and decide to start a relationship. We weren’t working in the same company so we weren’t breaking the “no dating coworkers” rule, but we still agreed that it would be prudent to take things slowly and especially wait before having sex. I think we were in bed together by the next evening (so much for restraint).
The sex was amazing and even more importantly, it was fun! I still wasn’t very experienced, but I didn’t feel pressured to be “an expert” and I didn’t really fumble around much. It turned out that she was also a late bloomer (didn’t begin to have sex until her 20’s) so she also wasn’t very experienced. However she did know what she liked and very specifically how to get what she liked. She blew my mind and dispelled several of my early misconceptions about female sexuality by demonstrating an advanced multi-orgasmic technique that many other women I have met since did not know.
She basically rode me cowgirl, but instead of “bouncing up and down” she would get me as deep as possible and grind on me. She would find this very stimulating and would have an intense orgasm after less than 2 minutes. Afterwards she would be winded and breathless so she would pause to catch her breath, but then suddenly start grinding on me with even more intensity and her next orgasm would only take about 20 seconds. From there she would go again, and again, and again until she was a sweaty, breathless, exhausted mess and couldn’t keep it up any longer.
At first I was just grateful to have a woman who wanted to have sex with me, but I also found it a huge turn-on to watch the way she was riding me with no inhibitions, and the intensity of her orgasms blew my mind as well. Another point which I quickly noticed was that her favourite position was stimulating for me, but not so stimulating that it caused me to orgasm pre-maturely. So her favourite position quickly became my favourite position!
But that’s not all! I had always considered myself as “small” at only 5 inches length because none of the guys in the porn movies were as small as me. But I discovered with this woman that I was not too small, but actually “adequate” because when she rode me I could often feel the tip of my penis contacting the end of her vagina. In fact, the tip of my penis sometimes brushed against a “small lump” at the end of her vagina that made her go crazy and grind on me like she was possessed (I actually started laughing and yelling for help once when she did this).
Unfortunately our relationship didn’t last long (only 2 months), but at least we parted on fairly friendly terms (we never became proper enemies). The important thing was I learned more about having a relationship with women, and even more importantly I gained a lot more experience at how to have great sex! Or did I?
It was only a few months later that I managed to get into another full-time relationship with a woman. Like my previous relationship we discussed and agreed that it would be best to take things slowly… and were having sex by the next evening (so much for restraint again). The sex started out great (because it was sex so I was just ecstatic to be getting some) but this woman turned out to be very different from my previous partner.
For example she preferred missionary position and found that cowgirl position felt “funny” and made her want to pee. It also didn’t take me long to find out that she never had orgasms from intercourse. She still liked intercourse because she said it felt nice and she enjoyed the cuddling and kissing that went with it. Luckily I discovered that she could orgasm from clitoral stimulation so I soon learned how to perform oral sex on her.
I ended up being in a 5 year relationship with her so we gradually worked out some methods for sex that worked for us. I would typically either perform oral sex on her, or she would place some lube on the tip of my penis and rub it on her clitoris to bring her to orgasm. She would need a moment to recover afterwards (because her vagina muscles were tense after orgasm) and then I would enter her and we would have intercourse until I finished.
It all sounds very vanilla but we generally enjoyed our sex life. With this woman I learned a lot more about foreplay and oral sex, but I was also curious (and somewhat frustrated) about why she was sexually so different from my previous partner (I was smart enough to know not to discuss previous relationships or make comparisons in conversations). So I did continue to experiment with my current partner and she was game to at least try new things.
But the experimenting did not have very good results. She found that cowgirl position felt funny and often made her feel like she needed to pee. I tried to get her to move her hips in a grinding motion instead of moving up and down, but she couldn’t figure it out. I tried to push my penis far enough inside to stimulate “that little bump deep inside” and she nearly jumped off me when I contacted it saying that it hurt. I tried doggie with her a few times, and she was ok with it, but for some reason air kept somehow getting pushed into her vagina and eventually came out making embarrassing noises.
So it was an ongoing mystery to me how women could be so different from each other sexually (because men were mostly simple creatures who could basically put their penis into almost any opening and have an orgasm). This was in the early 90’s so the internet was just becoming available and people were starting to use search engines for personal research… and so I did.
I learned that it was very common for women to not have orgasms from penetration and that most women could only orgasm from clitoral stimulation (or at least that’s what all the “experts” were saying at the time). Note that is just one example of a popular generalization or stereotype which I have encountered over the years. In many cases I have mistakenly believed or followed these misconceptions only to learn later they were wrong (sometimes to my embarrassment or chagrin).
But the internet was also very helpful for my research because I learned a lot of techniques for great oral sex, and for foreplay. So between researching, experimenting, and discussing what worked I gradually got to be quite good (at least at knowing how to please one woman).
Moving Forward
My relationship with that woman ended after about 5 years, and my work career took a drastic change as well. I began traveling overseas extensively for work (mostly Asia). One benefit was that I was forced to “come out of my shell” somewhat and overcome some of my shyness. I actually didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter because I was constantly thrust into situations where I had to interact a lot with strangers, so I gradually started getting used to it.
Another big change that occurred was that women (mostly Asian) began to find me more attractive. It wasn’t so much that they were throwing themselves at me, because Asians women are conservative and much less promiscuous than westerners. But there seemed to be a lot more women that showed an interest in me and I actually began to see that spark of attraction look that I hadn’t seen since public school.
So I began to meet and date again, and because I was traveling so much they were mostly short term casual relationships. In most cases it wasn’t casual sex so much as relationships that didn’t have time to blossom (although I did have a few “cultural exchange hookups”).
Oh, and speaking of sex, it was amazing. I began to develop a (wrong) stereotype of Asian women as all being nymphomaniacs because the sex with them was always so intense and they all seemed to be multi-orgasmic (very much like my girlfriend from years ago). But over time I was eventually able to determine (because they told me), that I was doing things to them that other men had never done, and making them crazy in ways that other men had never made them feel. Wow, I was actually good at sex!
A lot of it came down to my interest in extensive foreplay which seemed to increase their level of arousal making it easier for them to orgasm (even multiple orgasms). But it was also partly due to the fact that I was able to successfully re-create the cowgirl position that stimulated “that little bump deep inside” that had made my girlfriend so crazy all those years ago. It also occurred to me that the reason I was able to repeat my success with these women was that my girlfriend from way back had been petite like most Asian women. So I developed another (wrong) stereotype that because of the size of my penis (5inches) I was more suited to pleasing smaller Asian women than western women.
The combination of women seeming to be more attracted to me and my success at being able to please them sexually was a big boost to my self esteem and confidence. This had a lasting effect on many aspects of my life as well. It’s frankly amazing just how much positive experiences can improve your outlook on life which leads to even more positive experiences.
Oh, and just to correct what are now some ancient stereotypes I had back then… Asian women were often more attracted to me because of white privilege rather than because they actually found me more attractive. Or to put it another way, being white made me slightly more attractive to them. But it actually didn’t matter to me once I realized that because my self esteem and confidence had already improved to the point that being “average looking” was not a handicap to me anymore.
Another important stereotype I corrected was that I thought I was more suited to pleasing Asian women because of the size of my penis. I have since learned that I can hit “that little bump deep inside” on most women regardless of their shape and size.
But one of the most important realizations in my ongoing research was what I found on websites where women were talking about their challenges with sexuality. I learned that in many cases women are just as lacking in sexual knowledge about their own bodies as the men who are trying to stimulate them. I learned that “the little bump deep inside” that makes some women go absolutely crazy is just as unknown and unexplored by many women as it is by most men.
(BTW: That little bump is called the A-spot and I personally consider it the biggest game changer since the discovery of the G-spot)
And Now the Present Day Me
So here I am many years later, older, wiser, and obviously more experienced. I’ve been lucky enough over the past 25 years to be able to have sex with a variety of women of all shapes, and sizes, and colours. In the process I have been able to explore and experiment, and research, to the extent that I am now an expert much more knowledgeable in female sexuality.
Note: Declaring yourself an expert at anything is a good way of closing your mind off from learning more about it. Don’t fall into that trap!
That’s all Folks
If you managed to read through this entire page then I thank you for your patience, perseverance, and interest. I guess it might be clear from reading this that I probably don’t have a lot of expert advice to offer you on relationships or finding your soul mate beyond trying to be more positive about yourself. But I am confident that I can offer you some advice on what to do with a woman if you are lucky enough to get alone with her and engage in some meaningful playtime.
Please explore this site and hopefully you will find information that will help enrich your sex life. There is a lot of content here and I update it frequently so please take your time and digest it slowly.
If you think any of my information is incorrect, or can be improved please do contact me. My sensual journey is far from over and I am always looking to learn new things, or improve/correct things I thought I knew.