We have arrived!
All the time and effort you have invested in making your partner crazy is about to unleash a bedroom cataclysm of epic proportions. Your partner’s screams will shake the walls, rattle the windows, and possibly even deafen the neighbours. You will become a legend in her eyes and she will be singing songs of the highest praise for years to follow.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There will be plenty of time to congratulate yourself after the job is done. Right now you want to be sure your partner has the best orgasm you can possibly give her. Are there any special techniques you should know to help her complete her orgasmic journey? Well of course there are! But to know what techniques to use you will first need to know whether or not your partner becomes hypersensitive during her orgasm.
Clitoris Hypersensitivity
What do I mean by hypersensitive? Well have you ever had a woman begin grabbing your head and violently trying to crush your face into her vagina just before she orgasms? (whoo hoo!!! right?) But does she suddenly start trying to push you away just as her orgasm starts? (WTF right???) Do you find that behaviour confusing? That is hypersensitivity. Think of it as being very, very ticklish to the point of discomfort or even pain which starts with her orgasm and lasts for several minutes afterwards. In my (current) experience I am finding that around 90% of women become hypersensitive during their orgasm. Hypersensitivity means they cannot endure the sort of stimulation they were demanding and you were happy to provide immediately before their orgasm started. This presents some challenges for you.
If you suddenly stop stimulating her then her orgasm will be incomplete and unsatisfying for her, but if you keep going then she will be overstimulated which is also not going to result in a satisfying orgasm. She might even try to fight you off if you try to maintain high stimulation and an attempt to wrestle her through her orgasm (a lot of men mistakenly do this). Some men are also hyper-sensitive when they orgasm (I know I am) so if you are one of them then you already understand this. I like to think of it as one of life’s ironies. In fact, many people (both men and women) find that no matter how great the sensations are leading up to the orgasm, the sensations are too stimulating during the orgasm. In fact, many people have even found that they can sometimes have better orgasms by masturbating because they are in full control over their own stimulation allowing them to fine tune the sensations during their orgasm.
Tricky situation. So am I recommending that as your partner starts to orgasm you should stop and let her finish herself? DEFINITELY NOT!!!! So what to do?
Well, like most of my advice so far I’m going to recommend that good effective communication is the key. If my partner needs more stimulation then she can simply tell me, and if I am giving her too much stimulation she can tell me know that as well. Now you are probably scratching your head wondering how I could carry on an effective conversation with my partner in the middle of her orgasm, and if a conversation could even be practical. But I have worked out a very simple and intuitive way for ladies to communicate their stimulation needs with me without even saying a word!
I simply place my partner’s hand on top of my head and she reflexively grabs a fist full of my hair. Then as she is approaching her orgasm she instinctively pulls on my hair (not too hard I hope) so I know to increase stimulation. If she starts becoming too sensitive as she transitions into orgasm then she instinctively stops pulling on my hair and instead, begins pushing on my head (like trying to push me away). This is my signal to use less stimulation. With a bit of practice (and trust on the woman’s part) we can both fine tune the stimulation to be just right for her every time.
It takes practice to learn the techniques to bring your partner to orgasm through oral sex, so it makes sense that it will require some practice to develop good techniques to carry her through her orgasm. But with practice and careful attention to your partner’s reactions you will become very responsive to her stimulation requirements. You will learn to reflexively respond to the contact her hand makes with your head to give more stimulation from just a slight increase in her grip on your hair, and less stimulation from just a slight relaxing of her grip on you. The more quickly you can respond to her physical cues, the more in tune you will be to her orgasm and the more she can trust you, and relax into her orgasm… ultimately making it a better orgasm for her.
When I first discovered this method of “hair pulling communication”, I thought I was a genius and had unlocked a secret that no other man could possibly know. But I think there are actually plenty of other guys out there who are also dialed in. They are easy to spot too…
No Sliding Zone!
When your partner’s clitoris becomes hypersensitive, you must be very careful not to allow your tongue to slide over her clitoris (not even a tiny bit). The sensation will be so intense for her (in a bad way) that she will react like you just tasered her. So instead of sliding contact you should change to firm pressure contact instead. Place your lips around her clitoral hood in an OH shape and press the bottom of your tongue firmly against her clitoris, being very careful to only apply pressure without any movement. If she needs a little more contact then she will start pulling at your hair again, but you still don’t slide your tongue over her clit. Instead you press more firmly with your tongue on her clit, and with your lips around her clitoral hood, and maybe begin to rock your head slowly from side to side while pressing your lips down around her clitoral hood.
Hopefully this diagram will help explain. Place your lips over her clitoral hood in an OH shape and tense your lip muscles so that your lips become more stiff and hard which will allow you to apply more pressure. Place your tongue so that it is just touching your top lip which will make the underside of your tongue contact her clitoris. Now press with your tongue and lips. If your partner needs more stimulation then press harder with your tongue and lips, and slowly rock your head from side to side or in a slightly circular motion pressing harder and harder with your lips.
If you find that your partner needs even more stimulation you can try squeezing your lips together more tightly making your OH shape smaller which will put more pressure around her clitoris, and if she still needs more then you could try very carefully dithering by pulsing the pressure of your tongue against her clitoris. Just remember to be very careful when moving your tongue to ensure that you do not to let it slide over her clitoris… or you will launch her off the bed like you just stabbed her with a needle. That will also break her “trust” so that in future she will be instinctively pushing you away because she is subconsciously afraid you will be too rough on her clitoris.
Every woman has different tolerances for contact during orgasm, and even the same woman can have different tolerances at different times. This is why it is so important to be observant to how your partner is responding to your touch, and not to assume that you always know how much stimulation to give her. You should always be ready to provide more or less as the situation requires.
If you are finding that your partner needs even more pressure than your tongue is able to provide using the technique above, then here is another variation that might work for you.
This technique is similar except that you point your tongue downwards instead of upwards so the underside of your tongue is resting on your bottom teeth with the surface of your tongue up against her clitoris. You should find that your tongue is able to press much more firmly this way, and if that is still not enough then you can press your bottom teeth against the underside of your tongue for even more pressure. Obviously you are now at risk of biting your own tongue if you press too hard, or if your partner suddenly jerks her hips while in the throes of passion… but that will give you “war stories” to talk about later. You may also find that this technique allows you to apply some suction to your partner’s clitoral hood, and a combination of sucking/pressing/releasing can also provide the right amount of increased stimulating for her.
Afterglow
As her orgasm progresses she will gradually release her grip on your hair and you will gradually reduce the pressure on her clitoris until eventually she is fully relaxed and has released her grip on your head, and your lips are only lightly resting on her clitoral hood. You should continue to keep your lips in place while she is enjoying her afterglow and you can both savour the moment. The feeling of your lips lightly pressing on her clitoral hood is a bit like a pussy hug but softer because you are using your lips now. Keep your lips in place for as long as you can allowing her to relax and reflect for as long as she needs to before moving. Be as patient as possible during this final phase because if you release your lips too soon, your partner may feel self conscious about how much time you spent down there “working”. But if you wait until she is finished enjoying her afterglow she will likely be so appreciative of your efforts that she might sit up and look at you with “revenge” on her mind (if you know what I mean).
Helpful tip: If this is your first time having sex with this woman then you will not know whether or not she is hypersensitive when she orgasms. I have found that the easiest way to find out is to simply ask her. If this is my first time with a woman I will pause briefly just after I start giving her oral and literally ask her, “Hey, a quick question. Does your clit become really sensitive or ticklish when you are orgasming”? She will either answer “Oh yes, you have to be careful down there”, or “Not at all, you can lick as fast and hard as you like”. I’m not kidding, you can really sort this out in just a few seconds with barely any interruption in your dining activities.
Non-Clitoris Hypersensitivity
I’ve dedicated most of this page to providing details on how to delicately work through varying degrees of hypersensitivity. But what should you do if your partner is not hypersensitive when she orgasms? The answer is surprisingly easy…
You go to town my man!!!! Get in there and get freaky! Unleash the most devastating series of tongue swirling, fluttering, wiggling, sucking, slurping moves you can muster! You may need to be prepared to hang on with both hands too, because I’ve found that ladies who are not hypersensitive also tend to thrust and jerk their hips around during their orgasm (sometimes quite violently).
On that note I should mention a safety tip. If your partner thrusts her hips randomly then there is a risk of her driving your teeth right into a sensitive part of her anatomy or possibly into your own tongue. Obviously that could be disastrous for both of you. Luckily I haven’t been in a situation where either of us have been injured yet, and that is partly due to my attentiveness and partly due to my fast reflexes (I hope). First you need to pay careful attention to your partner’s movements and if she has a tendency to thrust then you need to be ready to curl your lips over your own teeth (sort of an Mmmm variation) or get your tongue out of the way quickly. Using your lips to protect your partner by covering your teeth is a gentlemanly thing to do. Yes you are placing yourself at some risk of your teeth cutting into your mouth, but in my experience the damage is minimal and temporary. I have never drawn my own blood yet.
Special Forces (Tools & Toys)
I should at least briefly mention that you might be using more than just your mouth to stimulate your partner during oral sex so you may need to make some adjustments during her orgasm. I guess the best general advice I can give for using fingers, or vibrators (both internal and external) would be to not use them on your partner the first time you have sex. In my experience it takes a bit of time to learn how your partner responds to “special forces” so I try to introduce them gradually and also discuss details of how she responds to them so I can adjust the application to suit her specific needs. Tip: I found the best time to discuss sex details is during the quiet times afterwards.
Fingers: I sometimes insert my finger to stimulate my partner’s G-spot during oral sex. This can add a whole new level of sensitivity to the oral play, and can have a huge impact the type of orgasm she experiences. I generally use a circular motion on her G-spot as she is approaching orgasm, and if she is hyper-sensitive during orgasm then I stop moving my finger and instead press it into her G-spot. I try to follow her response cues to determine how much pressure to apply or whether to move my finger on her G-spot during her orgasm. If she is not hyper-sensitive then I definitely keep moving my finger around in a circular motion and adjust pressure to her response. This will take some practice so I highly recommend discussing her sensitivity and preferences (during your after sex chatting).
Hand: I’m actually more likely to use my hand during her orgasm than my finger (no I don’t shove my hand inside her). I find that most women respond well when I squeeze and massage their pubic mound matching the rhythm and pressure of my mouth and tongue. If my partner is hyper-sensitive then a firm squeeze, or even some firm massaging around her pubic mound helps distribute some of the sensation away from her clitoris and into the surrounding area which seems to help lessen her sensitivity while still providing a strong orgasm. And if she is not hyper-sensitive then giving her pubic mound some attention will just add to the stimulation you are giving with your mouth.
If the stars are aligned, and my partner is enjoying it then I can sometimes combine all 3 forces together so that I am squeezing her pubic mound with one hand, while massaging her G-spot with the other, and applying oral stimulation with my mouth. However in my experience this combination is mostly used when “returning” to oral sex after my partner has been through several orgasms already (through oral sex and intercourse). It’s less a matter of the woman being too sensitive for this much contact earlier on, and more a matter of her entering a higher level of arousal (the O-zone) where this much contact is more appropriate.
Toys: I have played around with both bullet vibrators, and full sized vibrators over the years. I can’t give a lot of specific advice on how to apply these because if varies so much with different ladies. Vibrators can add a very strong sensation to oral play, but because the stimulation can be so intense it can be challenging to effectively “communicate” their use through your partner’s orgasm. My suggestion is to use them a bit while playing around, but don’t use them during orgasm until you’ve had a chance to discuss some of the details with your partner (during your after sex chats).
Ok, I know that sounds like a cop-out, so here is some specific advice based on what has worked for me. If I am using a bullet vibrator (one of those tiny vibrators the size of a lipstick), and I know my partner is hyper-sensitive, then I will use it on her clitoris before her orgasm. But then during her orgasm I will move it up a little and press it into her pubic mound just above her clitoral hood. This will still be very stimulating for her, but not “tazer level stimulation” like it would be on her clitoris. Also I can still respond to her hand on my head to adjust the stimulation appropriately for her.
If I am using a larger vibrator which is inserted into her vagina then I will often take one of her hands and put it on the vibrator so she can control it herself. In my experience my partner can adjust the contact from the vibrator much better than I can, and especially during her orgasm. Some lady’s even take the vibrator out of their vagina just as they are approaching orgasm (which is fine of course because they know how much stimulation they need). For my part I try to provide the best oral contact I can while working around my partner’s hand, and the vibrator. If possible I also try to get my hand or fingers onto her pubic mound to help with stimulation. But I confess that I generally find the work area too “crowded” to be effective at oral while a vibrator is in play. This is generally something I might “return to” after I have already given my partner an orgasm through “unassisted oral”.
After Her Orgasm (What Next?)
So you were patient and attentive to your partner and you took care of her needs from warm-up to foreplay, and through to her orgasm. She is now basking in the afterglow and possibly covered in sweat and trying to recover her breath like she just ran a marathon. So where you do you from here?
Well like all of my advice so far I recommend paying attention to how your partner is responding and use those cues to see where to go next. Sometimes women need a few minutes of rest and recovery time after a clitoral orgasm. So for me a good “next move” immediately after her orgasm is to try to quietly cuddle with her and see where things go from there. I personally don’t like to talk when I am in the afterglow, and I find most women are a bit quiet and reflective as well. So quietly cuddling for a few minutes and gently stroking her is a good way to let her recover and she will provide cues as she becomes ready for more fun.
But if I’ve been applying my teasing game effectively then there is a good chance that she has reached a heightened level of arousal (I like to call it the O-zone) and her first orgasm was just an appetizer that left her hungry for a whole lot more. So when I start moving upwards to give her some cuddling and recovery she might already be focusing on taking some “revenge” on me (whoo hoo right?). If you enjoy receiving oral as much as giving it then it might be your turn now. Or if you’ve “awoken the demon” then your partner might be ready to pounce on you and ride you like her personal sex toy (also whoo hoo right?).
So if you and your partner haven’t had intercourse yet and you want some tips I invite you to explore my intercourse pages. If you have already been exploring my intercourse pages then you probably have a good idea where your playtime journey with your partner is heading next. Have fun…
If you think any of my information is incorrect, or can be improved please do contact me. My sensual journey is far from over and I am always looking to learn new things, or improve/correct things I thought I knew.