You can’t start a fire without a spark!
It is possible to just jump in and give your partner a quick orgasm. You might even think you have fulfilled her needs and give yourself a pat on the back. But a quickie is about as sexually fulfilling as a light snack when your partner is craving a full meal (or sometimes a banquet).
Great sex is fueled by passion, and passion needs to be cultivated and nourished carefully so it can grow.
So it should be no surprise that putting a little extra effort into warming up your partner will kindle a flickering candle flame into a bonfire, and turn a bonfire into a raging inferno, or even a firestorm.
.
I like to think of light foreplay as the spark and kindling to get the fire started, and heavy foreplay as the gasoline to start the inferno… or if my tricks are working right the plutonium to unleash an epic bedroom firestorm!
Ok, so let’s get started! What do we need to do to turn a simple romantic tryst into a visit from the local fire department?
One Rule to Rule them all!
Slow Down! No matter how much I try, and how much I remind myself I always lose my patience to some extent and go faster than I was intending (yeah, it’s a guy thing). So all through my foreplay I am constantly reminding myself to slow down… slow down… slow down. If you do that often enough (and actually listen to your advice), then you just might move at the speed which is best for your partner.
So remember rule 1, and if you are in doubt, see rule 1.
Why go Slow?
It is (hopefully) common knowledge that most men’s arousal levels move much more quickly than women’s, so when you slow down you are actually allowing your partner to keep pace with you better. For example if you start your encounter by immediately grabbing and squeezing your partner’s breasts, or even worse, sucking on her nipples she may push you away.
This is because she is not yet aroused to a level where those touches are stimulating to her, and may really feel uncomfortable or even ticklish to her at that moment. Similarly using your tongue or slobbering on her before she is aroused will likely meet with resistance because she may find the sensation too intense, or even repulsive.
One of the ironic aspects to the timing of arousal is that initially your partner might be ticklish to your tongue or find slobbering on her repulsive, but then want you to lick her from head to toe and drool on her just a few minutes later when her arousal level has increased. So to some extent going slowly is about teasing, and teasing is about not pushing your partner along, but rather about enticing her to come with you (what I like to call pulling).
Pushing:
Have you ever tried to push someone along on roller skates, or skiis, (or whatever) and noticed that they naturally lean back against your push? That resistance to your push is really to prevent them from falling over, but if you look at it another way it is to prevent them from moving too quickly. Well this is also true of trying to push a woman’s arousal level because there will be a natural and unconscious tendency for her to resist or push back against your intention if you move too quickly.
So what is pulling?
Pulling is when you entice your partner to follow your direction. In the case of sexual arousal it means touching her in ways that she finds irresistible and so draws her into seeking more of the stimulation you are providing. This is mostly done by moving at a slower pace which your partner is more comfortable with rather than rushing along at the pace you want to move at. Just a friendly reminder that in general men start at a higher arousal level than women and also tend to be in a hurry to rush the next arousal level. This is often the source of much frustration (mostly for women) because rushing men frequently achieve their orgasm while the woman is still warming up.
Teasing Philosophy:
The combination of both physical and mental teasing can increase your partner’s arousal levels enough to make her multi-orgasmic (even if she normally only orgasms once). Moreover teasing can raise your partner’s sensitivity levels to the point where she is able to orgasm from stimulating other parts of her body which would not normally give her an orgasm (ie: not her clitoris).
Teasing is Pulling:
Most people think of teasing as a physical game, but to me it is at least as much of a mental game if not more than physical. Let me explain why. Remember that most men tend to rush into sex, and probably initiate stimulation such as breast grabbing or nipple sucking before the woman is ready. The woman has likely become desensitized to these “impatient touches” and might even have some initial resistance (pushing back) before the foreplay has even started.
This mostly happens at a subconscious level based on the woman’s previous sexual experiences, and so it is a mental barrier as much as a physical barrier. Teasing when applied properly is a great way to subtly overcome this mental barrier to entice or pull your partner towards a heightened level of sexual arousal that she would not get to by pushing.
Teasing Example:
I can best explain the mental aspect of teasing by walking you through an example. I’ve just gotten my partner naked, and she sees that I am feasting my eyes on her body. I begin kissing her, and she is expecting me to immediately start grabbing and squeezing her breasts, but instead I start caressing her face, neck, and shoulders. Not an earth shattering starting technique, but it does serve to break her expectations a little and also relaxes her and begins to build up her arousal level.
Then I begin to work my caresses down over the top and then the middle of her chest, so she is expecting me to grab/squeeze her breasts now, but I still don’t. Instead I keep sliding my hand downwards towards her stomach or begin tracing circles around the very outer edges of her breasts. I like to think of this as misdirection (like an illusionist or magician’s trick). I will even exaggerate the misdirection by intentionally moving my caressing gestures in a way that seems like the breasts are my target, but then I “miss”.
At lower levels of arousal my partner will be slightly surprised that I did not arrive at what she assumed was the destination. But if she is at a higher arousal level she will feel some disappointment that I missed, and even begin to feel a yearning to be touched there. So by repeating the caressing and stroking gestures in the direction of her breasts (the target) but continually missing, my partner’s arousal level increases, and also her desire/craving to have her breasts touched.
The combination of tricking her into thinking I will touch her breasts but then withholding my touch will in turn increase the sensitivity of her breasts. When I finally do touch her breasts, her response will be considerably stronger than if I had just started touching them from the beginning. I even continue the teasing game once I begin touching her breasts by intentionally giving attention to all of her breasts except her nipples.
Another example is when I begin to move my teasing towards her vagina. I only do this after her breasts so her arousal level is so high she will probably feel a tingling in her vagina (in anticipation) as I begin sliding my hand downwards. But I miss the target, instead sliding my hand over her inner thigh, or perhaps lingering briefly on her pubic mound before moving onward. At this stage her arousal level is becoming so high, and her craving for contact with it that she might even groan a bit in frustration as I miss this important target.
So teasing is pulling.
Now that we’ve gotten through the definitions shall we get down to the business of foreplay?
Foreplay Level-0 >>
If you think any of my information is incorrect, or can be improved please do contact me. My sensual journey is far from over and I am always looking to learn new things, or improve/correct things I thought I knew.